Wednesday, October 17, 2012

The life?

Over the past 4 months, I did a complete 180 and forced myself to stop doing what friends/society wanted me to do and to start doing what I myself, wanted to do. I gave up on night club security because not only is it garbage, shit and employees are treated like numbers and not respected but also because the pay isn’t worth what one has to put up with on a nightly basis until 5am.

I have always had this hidden notion that because I spent 7 years studying criminal justice, law and mastering in criminology and crime prevention, that I needed to follow this road of government work, doing what is right and obeying the law at all times even if it was morally unacceptable. I’ve always been a believer that I would much rather love my job and make a mediocre living than hate my job but make a killing (my reason for coming to Australia in the first place).

My passion is entertainment and all things considered focusing mainly on music. A good friend of mine once asked me what my dream job was and I said without hesitation DJ. To be able to play music I love to someone in a way in which it gives him or her feel good attitudes and emotions has been something that has always kept its place at the back of my mind since 2005.

Becoming more engulfed in my own music, I also ventured out into the world of acting. At first, I felt it was something I needed to study up on, go to school and be tested about, but quickly realised I could gain all that knowledge by throwing myself into the industry head first. As of the writing of this blog and since getting into acting in July, I have been in two web commercials, 13 short films, 3 viral commercials, a music video and casted for two feature films being submitted to Cannes Film Festival, Tropfest, Toronto Film Festival and Melbourne Film Festival. All done by myself, without the use of an agent and over the course of three months while also studying and working on the side.

It has been exciting work and has given me the opportunity to showcase my personality and put my character through the ultimate test. Maybe it’s because I am a minority? Or maybe because I am an American accent among a population of 22 million Australians? Whatever the reason may be, it is working out extremely well and I am loving every minute of it.

And so the question again pops up asking: “what happens come December?”. I have always had this mentality to come back home in February after graduation but held off to continue doing my passion: traveling. And now, everyday I constantly re-hash my plan of going home for good in December to pursue other ventures: music and acting. I fear coming back home to the US, puts all that on hold (whether permanently or temporarily) and forces me to work in an industry that limits my passion, my free-spirit and my thinking. At the same time, staying here I can continue to find bigger and better roles while working part-time and re-focusing my attention on music. The only downside though is it’s a huge risk with JUST a part time job on the side (since I’m a foreigner). One that if it doesn’t pay off, leaves me thinking what have I truly been doing the past x amount of months/years. And this is the thought that scares me, not having the security of work but pursuing a passion and hoping it works out in the end.

I guess it is better to be 26 and enjoying life than what I constantly see everyday on Facebook statuses from friends from back home. Not having kids, being tied down by someone and being able to enjoy life and do the things I WANT to do is what makes my time here and my life so rewarding. But at the same time, I am continuously bogged down by when I am coming, how I am needed home and how I should just return home, as it’s been 2 years. At times, I feel instead of coming home for good, I should come home for a few weeks to feel if it is right for me or if it’s not my time yet. Maybe I’m scared to come back to the US? Or that doing so means it’ll be time to put everything else aside and start a career?

I seriously don’t know what I want in life or where I want to go with it. Whichever the path I choose, I cautiously hope to have the support of friends and family…